Am I giving too much of stress to myself???

It was aswesome ,a wonderful experience that I wanted to have it all along ago since I join and work as a part of pastry team.I have waited for the chance to come,I wish that I can create my own showpiece with what I've learn in pastry kitchen,what I've been tought by my chefs and seniors.

The reason why I wish so much to have my own showpiece,its not because of wanted to showing of to somebody what talent I have...many people would think of that way,but what I really think is 'I want to create something which that belongs to myself',something that represent me,something that I can't express it in words,something that is not only come from the idea...but come from the real personality of what I am.

Since christmas from last year,I was helping out my chef 'CDP' to create his winter showpiece ''the new generation'...Oh whats that??!!Its actually a gingerbread house with the title on it,mentioning the elder Santa was too old to work out and send the gifts to children,so that the son of elder Santa continued his fathers job...instead of riding reindeer,the son was help out with his 'CHIWAWA dog'.

When the season ended ,I was impressed with what actually showpiece can be done,and I have strongly promised myself to have a chocolate showpiece on the Valentines day...Days are getting nearer...only few more hours later to decide whether I'm going to create the showpiece drawn in my mind...only a week left to reach the Valentines day....I still hesitating...the more I think...I'm started to have a fear on the day comes...until now,I'm still think am I gonna do it or not??...I have lost my confidence when I come getting more knowledge...It was not me from the last few years...Brave, Direct , Confident... Kenny as I...have lost his strong ability to encounter the problems that would come...he is lost...

I was asking myself this evening in my working place... am I havng too much of expectation to myself??Am I giving too much of hope of I will be done ...when it comes to the topic showpiece on Valentines day,I am stress seriously...... I totally frustated on I have promised to myself, and now Im about to give up on what Im thinking..... feel so bad , so sad.... that Im blogging now but not concentrating my work...

It seems like nobody understands,even myself couldn't understand myself anymore..What I had became....