So long after all....I'm here again........

It's been 3 years i had never touch my blog .......3 years.......alot of big changes in my life.
When I look back to my 3 years post.....I realise....human thinking will change.....3 years....I dont like smoking....i do not know alot of things.....I hate myself.....I hate my bad temper....I sleep whenever i feel I want to....so what......3 years later....I start to smoke......just 1 person in the late night ....and I couldn't sleep.....things happened keep rewind in my mind whenever Im blank....its just automatically those memories keep appear in my mind.....even tears are cried....until i bcm numb...until my tears dried up........

Im lost .....Im lost in the world of how much love u given to me.....yet I still couldnt walk away from the prison you had seal me inside.....what had I done wrong.....I given my everything to be your best...but at last...you choose to leave me......I tried to talk to people more,tried to do things to keep myself busy,tried to have more girls friend to understand what woman thinks of....somehow you will always back in my mind.....people ask me why if there is nothing good to be with you anymore therefore im still wanting you back in mylife....I really dunno ....hardly people understand what I think....what my sadness is all about....you gave me alot of things....but you will never know...how much I had improve myself to be a better man....but at last I lost you........

I feel very pain, I feel very lost, I feel demotivated.
You were once my everything....yet I couldnt keep you by my side....
Did you know that ,when I know your heart is with me,everything is a hope,everything is a gift,eveything ....my career,my dream....when u are tgt with me...I do my best in my career,because I wanna provide what you like and what you want....I wanna give you the best of my life,to support you,to lift you up from your depression....but I never thought of,changing you is the most wrong thing I had been done....I know your career is very hard....I know you had tried your best to learn,to live what you need in your live.....I couldn't do much for u....all i can do is just listen to your words....give you mentally support.....but why u wanna keep think negative by yourself...why can't you be positive...things changed......yet I can't do anything...

Yes,what you had become today,is all cause my attitude towards you....I just want you to be good,just want you to have a stable life in future,just want you to stand up from negative thought n live independantly....is that a fault ?I love you...but I dunno how to express my love to you....all of my intention....I had never want you to die alone just leave u aside.....I just want to care about you....I love you....but now I can only look at you and be with another guy....letting go of my hands is the only love I can be given......althought is painful....thatd the only thing I can do.......

I had never fell so deep in love in my life.....you come in ,you take away my heart and left me ......I lost my heart.....I will never be a good man anymore.....what is love???I really dont remember the way the love it suppose anymore.....I rather you talk to me when you are unhappy towards me....I rather you beat me,angry at me rather than just ignore me....you didnt know how much painful what you always did that to me....But I still choose to be with you...becausse I love you,I appreciate our moments n relationship together....I just dont want to lost a person like you.....

you gave me strength to work....you gave me motivation to fight the stress,you brought me to a world that I had never been experience before.....I just cant erase you away no matter what I do......

I felt so useless of myself.......
I hate myself being a bad temper guy for u....
I hate myself I couldnt give what you want for your life
I hate myself just your X is treating you better than I did.....
I know you couldnt forget of what your X had given to you....
I failed myself ,I hate myself ....and I feel sorry to you...
Sorry for didnt protect your heart
Sorry for let your tears down...
sorry for didnt cure your depression
Sorry for couldnt provide the love that you want
I love you,but Im sorry for all what I can do is just to let go of you.......

I just hope you can truly live happily in life.....I hope the guy you choose will take good care of you....
Love yourself more ,dont always think of negative thoughts....live positively,live independantly,stop waste your time depends on other....I hope you can become stronger,I hope you can become more mature in thinking,I hope you will have the abilitiy to keep yourself survive in future when nobody can support you anymore.....
For 3 years  I had tell myself Im gonna leave singapore....but I didnt because I fell in love with you......
This time...nothing can stop me anymore......because I got no reason to stay anymore......I will never fell in love so deep anymore.....
6 years in singapore ....this time....Im really leaving......and back to my lone ranger journey and adventure.....
I want to search for myself......for truly what I am inside.......

It will be the end of 2011 soon...

Have not been a very good time having in the year of 2011......in the matter of every...but the main thing is im living safe,im living with no serious ill(quite healthy I guess??)Just sometimes work doesnt happen smooth and things doesnt turn out the way it should be....

Sometimes really feel tired of what I dream about?Well people do stress out by smoking,I dont feel any good about smoking,ever I had tried...well people do stress out by drinking and clubbing??hm...those place doesnt really suits me since im not drinking....not to say i dont like it...but Im not a alcoholic person....so what I will always do i get into my bed even if I cant sleep...thats the best way ever I can recover from my stress....

Too much of tiring happen in my life,which i never think that happens.....the older I am,the quiet I will be.....lol.....miss home seriously,feel like wanna go home n dont ever come back to singapore,but things had been tighten up my life with bills ,career bla bla bla etc.......

Just seriously,if I really feel dissapointed about what happens in my life,seriously im gona leave no matter what stops me,Dont like the reality really......just dont happen to break my heart again......

可惜不是你。。。。。。。

又有谁能够体会我所承受的打击？？？

又有谁明白前今后世的姻缘？？？

期待的2012年。。。。。

过的很艰苦那2011年的我，渴望2012年的到来。很想跟大家说：我回来了！！！这句我回来，算是长期的回来吧。。。呆在四年新加坡的我。。。希望2012年能顺着自己的规划行动，回到大马领土的小家园    -彭亨，关丹。

我希望在2012年的我，能够真正回到自己的家，做自己喜欢的事，参加自己喜欢的活动，与朋友们好好的聚一聚，再次和我的家人长住一段日子。。。我想那时候会呆在关丹蛮久的一段时间。。。好好的给自己充电充电！！！大概是几个月到半年的时间吧？？？

要在这里对被我忽略的朋友们说声对不起，因为自己的想法，自己的计划，和预算之中忽略与你们之间的接触，这次回来的消息其实有好的也有坏的。。。好的就是能与远处的朋友和家人们相聚。

坏的。。。。。。。就是时机成熟时，我想飞到国外去工作，这次不是新加坡和马来西亚的距离了，我想飞到更远，因为我的野心让我好奇国外的生活，要在国外打拼。。。我会拿课程学习各国的语言，在家做甜点的research，在网页上到处散播我的resume，我相信，天下无绝人之路。。。一定有地方肯收留我，让我学习，让我从事业里发挥自己的潜能 。。。要是有这么一天，到时候请我的朋友和家人们。。。要振作，不要担心我，不要不舍得我。。。我要的，是你们鼓励我的力量让我向前冲。。。。。

请不要让我放弃，不要让我失望。。。要让我去追我的未来。。。。2012年，我能实现我的期待吗？？？

The lord of depress comes again.....

Im always not good enough...in anything.See those people around me...the things done by other people,ideas of other people,I'm far away from them...just feel that Im always not good enough,I always want to be better.

Is not that I want to compare,is just that I feel tired....there is nothing about bringing back myself ,bringing back the old style of me....nor of these will happen....it can only walk further without looking back of how was I and thinking about bring myself back from the complaction....

Its just an excuse to say bring myself come back,what had been lost will unable to take it back,we can only replace by other things.....because I cannot accept the truth of what I'm now ....

I'm trying to be better,because I'm not as good as you think.....I'm not good enough......

The thing never change in me,yes there is 1 thing.......Depression is alway inside my thoughts........the bright soul has always been devour by the lord of depress........

The Song of Miracle...

Just a Song with beautiful melody...its from an soundtrack album of a video game 'Castlevania'

Although I don't understand the meaning of this song...

Whenever I listen this song,It tells me that miracle are exist...

To create the world that everybody understand.....to create the pastry that everybody accept it,to create a passion,an interest...a dream that had been always wished to come true...

Words are not enough to express the feeling of this song...

Whenever you feel stressed...its always a reverse form of stressed=desserts...If you believe miracle do exist...

Actually it does =)

宁静的夜晚，怎能解得了我内心的愁闷。。。。。

喜。怒。哀。乐。

是人生都会体会的感情

酸。甜。苦。辣。

是人生都会尝到的滋味

是不是每个人都会经验的事？？？
人生活了总总二十一年，却没能尽自己的能力发挥出最好的才华。。。就算有，也只不过是几百天内的那几天。。。人为什么总不能，时时刻刻的将自己表现的最好？？？

就因为我是人，骗得了人家，骗不了自己。。。每个人的命运都不一样，如果有天让你揭开你的命运，不是你理想中所想象的。。。。得不到好的结果。。。你愿意承受吗？？？

我总是时常羡慕别人，好像不用怎么做就可以随着自己的意志去追求。。。我却绞尽脑汁，想等于没有想。。。头脑总是一片空白。。。2011年，我要撑到何时？？？
何时才能让我像那些大人物一样。。。

心中的矛盾。。。自己也不明白，没有人明白。。。所以，也请你不要假装好像很明白。。。连我自己都不明白我自己。。。那还有谁会明白。。。。。

心胸闷闷的，不舒服像心碎一样。。。就算我表现得快乐，但此终自己才知道。。。是不是真的快乐。。。