It's been 3 years i had never touch my blog .......3 years.......alot of big changes in my life.
When I look back to my 3 years post.....I realise....human thinking will change.....3 years....I dont like smoking....i do not know alot of things.....I hate myself.....I hate my bad temper....I sleep whenever i feel I want to....so what......3 years later....I start to smoke......just 1 person in the late night ....and I couldn't sleep.....things happened keep rewind in my mind whenever Im blank....its just automatically those memories keep appear in my mind.....even tears are cried....until i bcm numb...until my tears dried up........
Im lost .....Im lost in the world of how much love u given to me.....yet I still couldnt walk away from the prison you had seal me inside.....what had I done wrong.....I given my everything to be your best...but at last...you choose to leave me......I tried to talk to people more,tried to do things to keep myself busy,tried to have more girls friend to understand what woman thinks of....somehow you will always back in my mind.....people ask me why if there is nothing good to be with you anymore therefore im still wanting you back in mylife....I really dunno ....hardly people understand what I think....what my sadness is all about....you gave me alot of things....but you will never know...how much I had improve myself to be a better man....but at last I lost you........
I feel very pain, I feel very lost, I feel demotivated.
You were once my everything....yet I couldnt keep you by my side....
Did you know that ,when I know your heart is with me,everything is a hope,everything is a gift,eveything ....my career,my dream....when u are tgt with me...I do my best in my career,because I wanna provide what you like and what you want....I wanna give you the best of my life,to support you,to lift you up from your depression....but I never thought of,changing you is the most wrong thing I had been done....I know your career is very hard....I know you had tried your best to learn,to live what you need in your live.....I couldn't do much for u....all i can do is just listen to your words....give you mentally support.....but why u wanna keep think negative by yourself...why can't you be positive...things changed......yet I can't do anything...
Yes,what you had become today,is all cause my attitude towards you....I just want you to be good,just want you to have a stable life in future,just want you to stand up from negative thought n live independantly....is that a fault ?I love you...but I dunno how to express my love to you....all of my intention....I had never want you to die alone just leave u aside.....I just want to care about you....I love you....but now I can only look at you and be with another guy....letting go of my hands is the only love I can be given......althought is painful....thatd the only thing I can do.......
I had never fell so deep in love in my life.....you come in ,you take away my heart and left me ......I lost my heart.....I will never be a good man anymore.....what is love???I really dont remember the way the love it suppose anymore.....I rather you talk to me when you are unhappy towards me....I rather you beat me,angry at me rather than just ignore me....you didnt know how much painful what you always did that to me....But I still choose to be with you...becausse I love you,I appreciate our moments n relationship together....I just dont want to lost a person like you.....
you gave me strength to work....you gave me motivation to fight the stress,you brought me to a world that I had never been experience before.....I just cant erase you away no matter what I do......
I felt so useless of myself.......
I hate myself being a bad temper guy for u....
I hate myself I couldnt give what you want for your life
I hate myself just your X is treating you better than I did.....
I know you couldnt forget of what your X had given to you....
I failed myself ,I hate myself ....and I feel sorry to you...
Sorry for didnt protect your heart
Sorry for let your tears down...
sorry for didnt cure your depression
Sorry for couldnt provide the love that you want
I love you,but Im sorry for all what I can do is just to let go of you.......
I just hope you can truly live happily in life.....I hope the guy you choose will take good care of you....
Love yourself more ,dont always think of negative thoughts....live positively,live independantly,stop waste your time depends on other....I hope you can become stronger,I hope you can become more mature in thinking,I hope you will have the abilitiy to keep yourself survive in future when nobody can support you anymore.....
For 3 years I had tell myself Im gonna leave singapore....but I didnt because I fell in love with you......
This time...nothing can stop me anymore......because I got no reason to stay anymore......I will never fell in love so deep anymore.....
6 years in singapore ....this time....Im really leaving......and back to my lone ranger journey and adventure.....
I want to search for myself......for truly what I am inside.......
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